Creating Community

Although this might not initially portray the positive goal that I set for myself a few posts ago, we’ll get there.

I’ve been on the verge of this cliff for a few months now. We all know how cliffs go, you jump off one and you’re in for some trouble less something miraculous happens. Saying “I’ve been on the verge” doesn’t fully encapsulate where I’ve been. I walked up to it, looked down, said “holy crap, that’s going to hurt” and then walked away. 

Why did I walk away? Was I not ready? Did I have to get more ducks in a row? Fear? I’ve been trying to convince myself that it isn’t any of those things, specifically the last one, but let’s be honest, I walked back because of all of those things.

I’ve wrestled a lot with the ideas of knowing when I am hearing God’s voice. It’s more a struggle with doubt. “How do I know that’s Him talking to me? What if it’s the opposite power that’s pushing doing this?” I can say all I want that I have it in me to follow Christ and to follow what he’s called us specifically to do, but yet, I’m not doing any of that. Big talker with enough action to satisfy some of that “calling” but not enough to operate outside of my “safe zone.”

It’s gotten to that point where I can’t go back. I have been doubting Him in what he’s telling me to do, even in spite of the signs and wonders I wanted to be oh so badly to be a part of. Who’s limiting His power? Me. 

I’ve been working (trying to work…ok maybe just thinking) about the idea that the vision is the important part. I wanted to get the vision down before I made any moves. It’s like “why walk if you don’t know where you’re going.” A good point…but I think the answer, at least for me, is “because standing still is fruitless…and torturous.”

A good friend told me that a good exercise is to write out your eulogy. I’ve avoided it, or just haven’t gotten to it. Maybe because I wanted to get to a place where I could write freely without thinking about all the things going through my head before I wrote it. Didn’t want it to be skewed by that stuff. I think I am worried that the stuff I would write would only be projected answers to my struggles instead of cleaning off the windshield, seeing the vision. Screw that, here goes:

“John Miller: 1984 – When I get to go Home

It is easy to say that John was not a man dedicated to himself. That with more than just his actions, he was dedicated to the people around him and to the people he served. He was a wild, dangerous believer in Christ that guided his actions by looking up. There was no reserved part of him that worried about his well being, he knew he was taken care of. The bible speaks of people being a light to the world. John wasn’t the match in the dark room, he was the torch.

The family he was blessed with knows they have blessed him. They know that his love for them guided every decision he made, and that he did his best to show this love. They could always look to him for guidance, look to him for support, and look to him for their well being. 

People who knew John continue to know John even though he’s home. John hasn’t left us, he’s here. As fires reproduce without losing any of the original volume, we know John is with us still when we see our own torches flaring.”

First time, maybe it needs some polishing. 

“The winter of my discontent/made glorious summer by this Son…”

When I was a in my teens, my dad told me that there are 3 kinds of people in this world: those who help you, those who hurt you, and those who do nothing. He was saying that a good “life motto” would be to surround yourself with only those who help you. I’m pretty sure this isn’t his idea, that he stole it from a book or something but I’ve always remembered this. 

Two reasons why, I suppose. It seems like a good way to make sure you aren’t heading down a poor “path” by having people that hurt you around you. Seemed like a good way to protect yourself. It also makes sure you’ve got people that can advance where you’re at. They can make sure that not only are you not stagnant, you’re moving forward. Taking steps. Achieving any sort of progress, no matter how slow.

Despite this, the saying never quite sank in 100% because it seemed so cut and dry. So…”well, you don’t quite cut it so goodbye” without regard for the person behind the “not helping” or “doing nothing.” What if those are the people that need help the most? Where’s the symbiotic nature of relationship in that?

It’s a good feeling to say, and I’m very comfortable saying it, that the people around me are only those who help me. Makes me feel like I can only be made better, stronger, more confident, etc. I have a wealth of knowledge, experience, advice, and actual genuine care to tap from and that’s incredible.

This isn’t to say that all my friends or colleagues are rocket scientists or incredibly wealthy “successful” business people or anything. In fact, the wealth available is greater than money. Money I can get, the other stuff, I’m working on. What I am saying, though, is that not only have I been surrounded by people that only help me in obvious ways, I feel like I’m taking off my training wheels in looking at anybody and seeing where they’ll help me.

It’s motivating to have that around me and know that I have it in me, somewhere, to do the same for others.

On that note…I’m super stoked for this movie and think everyone should come join us for the Friday at 12:01 am show at Micon on opening day.

There’s that scene in Fight Club with Brad Pitt laying in the tub with the towel over his face, smokin a cigarette and Edward Norton is listening to him talk about Pitt’s conversation with his Dad:

“Now what, Dad?”
“I don’t know, get a job”. 

The whole scene is mildly depressing in that “this is how life is meant to be lived” mentality that I am trying to throw out the window. But let’s not talk about that. Let’s talk about what’s between the lines.

In his Dad’s advice, Pitt’s character is inadvertently told to do what it takes to move to the next step. Specifically in the one above, “get a job” means to do whatever it takes to get a job. That’s the “big goal.”

I’m 25, which means I’ve been out of college for a few years now. After I graduated, I had a group of friends about 5 strong. These weren’t just friends, these were a step above that. After we all graduated, we had that same conversation, although maybe not verbal:

“Now what?”
“Get a job.”

This brought us all over the country.  From the people I hung out with in college, I have friends everywhere from Rochester, MN, Twin Cities metro area, San Francisco, Ireland, Seattle, and the list goes on and on. We’ve been widdled down to at most 2 or 3 in each respective city.

The point of all this is that I feel really blessed to still feel as close as I’ve felt before to my 5 core friends. The 5 that were “a step above.” Obviously, I’ve made new friends, too. In fact, I’ve become just as close, if not closer, to my new friends I’ve made post college. If staying close to my core group of friends from college wasn’t enough of a blessing, my new “squad” of friends has met a lot of the old and I can see their relationships growing, too.

How cool is that…

I see a lot more negativity than positivity in the internet blogging world. I am thinking places like Twitter, Facebook, peoples blogs, etc. It seems like the majority (not all, by any means) of people use these venus as a way to complain very publicly about things. I am fantastically guilty of this, especially when it comes to really insignificant things. 

I have thought about this  when going through what I’ve posted on Twitter and got the feeling that I was really angry about something. I don’t feel angry about something, so why am I complaining so much.

Louis CK, a comedian who’s normally pretty crass, was on Conan and I saw the video of the interview and it was actually really interesting. It’s called, or maybe it’s just the tagline, “Everything’s amazing. Nobody’s happy.” It’s linked below.

Anyway, the point of it all is that there’s importance in positivity and staying on that uplifting side. Reveling in the negative isn’t as helpful as elating in the positive, at least personally. For the next week, I am going to write about something that I’ve bumped into that day, or something that I am thinking about that really makes me happy. I am going to fill that glass half full and see what comes of it.  

Here’s the link to that video. I tried to embed it, but YouTube made requests to those sharing the video not to allow embedding.

I’ve been attending Fellowship for about 8 months now, and it’s been a ride to say the least. Coming from the “conventional” church, Fellowship was a breath of fresh air. It seemed too good to be true, seeing the signs and wonders everywhere I looked. I knew nothing other than this intense desire to be a part of it. 

But have I done too much? Did I go wrong in there somewhere? It seems almost obvious that I have, that I picked up everything I could, immersing myself, diving headfirst into the water. Maybe I should come up for air.

I keep saying “I’m on the Rob Bell fence,” ostensibly saying that I don’t know if I like him. Despite that, I keep talking about him. There’s a Nooma video talking about the “stuff” that’s in our every day lives that we surround ourselves with. At the end (I won’t spoil too much), he warns having too much of the little “stuff” in your hands to pick up the real “stuff.” I’ve realized, and here’s the admitting, that I’ve taken up so much stuff that I’ve dropped some of the other stuff, the stuff that matters.

Without holding any of the stuff that really matters, I’ve started to feel really stiff again. Clouded vision or a complete lack there of has probably not helped. It’s as if the windshield was REALLY dirty and I just turned on the windshield wipers so there are still a lot of streaks and spots, not clean yet…

…yet.