Creating Community

As of today, I am going to be done blogging to this site.

Not blogging, just to this site.

I have been dating my girlfriend, Celeste, for a while now and one of the verses that we’ve talked a lot about is Psalms 46:10. Specifically, the “cease striving and know that I am God” part.

We have been talking a lot about what that means. As we’re finding out, even a single verse can be read into in so many ways. It’s the double edged sword, but with way more than two edges.

We decided to buy www.ceasestriving.com and start blogging to that site together. Check it out there. You can subscribe to the blog with this feed:

http://www.ceasestriving.com/feed

All the posts from here have been moved to the other site as well. It even looks the same.

Not sure what we’ll do with this site, but for now, head on over to www.ceasestriving.com See ya there

When Jesus turns the water into wine, the master’s reaction isn’t about the act of the miracle, but that the wine-from-water is good wine. That it’s not bad wine. He is shocked that the good wine is served after wedding attendees have had some wine (maybe a little too much wine, too).

A while later (20 years or so), Jesus and his disciples are walking to Sidon and are being bothered by a Canaanite woman. She is looking for Jesus to heal her daughter. After telling the woman that He has not come for the dogs, He heals her daughter because of her faith. As a Gentile woman, Jesus’ healing goes around even his own initial plans and reaches to all people immediately (brings up the idea of Jesus changing plans, which touches predestination and…all kinds of things for another day).

See the parallel between these two (let alone the idea that we are the whore bride of Christ)? Christ’s first act of declaring his identity goes directly against the norm. He doesn’t waste any time. Him turning all expectations upside down isn’t a new concept, but the fact that it’s in every single thing He did is electrifying. What is He telling us?

The master of the house is shocked that the good wine is served last because, let’s be honest, the wedding guests have already had a lot to drink. They’re already drunk so they can’t taste just how good the wine is. They can’t appreciate it. Jesus’ miracle tells us they can. That even to a drunk person, the wine of Christ is sweet enough to make a difference for them.

Same thing with the woman, even the smallest of crumbs, the slightest direction from Him, is enough to bring peace and health to the home.

It’s everywhere, and the rabbit hole goes deep. Even focusing on just the John passage shines light on so many sides of His personality and how he works.

Despite this, even though I can see that He doesn’t operate how I expect and in fact, the opposite of what I expect, I get frustrated at how He’s not satisfying my needs how I need him to. I am trying to trust that He’s taking care of me in ways I don’t know I need to be taken care of, but because it’s not how I expect, I struggle.

I am the whore bride who doesn’t feel like she’s good enough. I am the surprised master who misses the point. I am trying to have the faith and boldness of the Canaanite woman.

Engineering works on a series of predictable things. It is the epitome of predicability. Enter in the correct values for this certain set of variables and you know what the answer will be. You are given predictability. It’s your window to the future because we know how the variables will act given the set of values.

With Christ, it seems a bit different. Actually, seems opposite. Instead of being given the variables, the “here and now” values, we’re promised the result. The end. Our window to the future isn’t dependent on the perfect predictability of the present variables, but on our own faith in what he has promised us.

I find myself back in a struggle I’ve seen him prove himself through. I have seen the outcome, have seen him say “I’ve got this” but am still afraid of what is happening.

I know the outcome, I know the end. Whether I have faith in it or not is not my point. I know what He promises and what He told me.

This leaves the issue to the variables and who should decide what value to put on what. My faith is even more weak in this area. Maybe not so much faith as it is wisdom. I don’t know if I should be waiting for Him to say “this is what goes there” or if I should lean into him and act in a direction.

A friend told me to read Proverbs to gain wisdom. That’s probably a good starting point.

Somewhere between Matthew 18:22 and Matthew 7:6 exists a line. Not a line that isn’t to be crossed, but a balance point that sways from one side to the next.

On one side you have the never-ending, always present promise of His compassion. He will always forgive us, never leave us, no matter what our mis doing.

On the other, is the idea of knowing when enough is enough. It’s knowing that you’re off your mark and in throwing your pearls before the swine, you’re wasting something valuable.

This balance goes back and forth on the fulcrum of character.

And it’s killing me.

A good friend of mine called me the other day hurting his way through this as well. He is standing by, watching an old acquaintance fall apart but can not act as he knows it is a destructive for both if he does. How do you resist feeling responsible for those that are struggling?

It’s killing me to see my friends hurting in this way, too. I feel so incapable of helping when I see them wrestle with where to place the balance point.

I am frustrated with other relationships I have. I feel like I’m throwing my pearls before the swine. I am getting angry with individuals and am feeling like I’m carrying the weight.  I am angry that I feel spoken to from a point of  pride versus a point of humility but to speak it, I commit the same err.

Somewhere, the balance can be found. Christ has found this balance with me, and operates as to teach me through my “swine days.” Through Him, we are capable of performing this same balance. It’s difficult to learn how to practically apply this ability He has given us.

James says that faith without works is dead.

“Works” in this instance, and even James speaks from this point, is meant by actual doing, it’s a verb. He mentions helping women and children, serving your community, things of that nature.

What about works as a noun. “Works” as in the areas and times that our faith is tested. Faith without being tested means nothing. He mentions this, too.

It’s tough to keep focus on this idea when the trials are great, when the opposition is roaring it’s head.

If we’re able to apply stewardship to non-physical things, we’re able to fit it into this idea of works as a noun. Struggles and trials don’t come from our father, but from the other guy. The trails are noise surrounding his voice, they’re distractions. Scary ones, too.

I am struggling to be a good steward of my heart, my eyes, my character. In this trial, I am fighting him in healing my heart to become more like him, letting his character traits grow in me.  I am quickly looking away at other things and getting frustrated and turning away from him.  I ask him for the things I think I need and lose sight of what else He is doing in me.

He seems to be telling me (yet again) to quit looking there, and look at Him.

Psalms 46:10

My own lack of trust in him is showing and I don’t know what to do about it. It isn’t like it’s the dishes, I can’t just get it taken care of. I feel the need to address this, but don’t know how to go about actually doing it. How do you trust someone?

It’s such a non-tangible verb. A large majority of other verbs imply a path. Crank the gear lever, steer the car, squeeze the orange. All things I know how to do. My trust muscles are weak.

If faith is believing that which I can’t see, it’s in the same non tangible verb/noun boat as trust. They use the same muscles. The verb produces the noun. The beauty is that as I’m attacked on one specifically, He responds and both benefit.

As the guard changes, the new generation of Christ followers appears through the front line. This new generation is not wearing a three-piece suit and does not have it’s hair done, but it has seen the battle and is ready for it’s hand in it.

What characterizes this new guard? How does it carry the message to Judea and Samaria? How has it been affected and what will change about how it carries out His way?

“Generation Us” would be easier to describe from my point of view of I could encapsulate everything I’ve read, every thought I’ve had, and every emotion I’ve ignored over the past 2 years. It’s as if my heart was prepared for this generation but my head was off in la la land.

For now, Ecclesiastes 4:8-12 seems to sum it up. It is the change I’d like to see in my heart and I see what it could do for my home, my neighborhood, my community, my city…

I am working at preparing a cohesive, concise declaration of this message. Maybe it’s because I feel like I need you for you, but maybe it’s because I need you for me.

There is an implied danger in expectation: that they will not be met. It’s even less that they won’t be met as much as it is the reasons they’re not met are often not known.

Is it that hopes are let down in mismatched expectations? Who’s hopes of who’s expectations?

Is it a fear of the repercussions? What does this mean for yourself?

Discouragement? Defeat? Disappointment?

I recently helped plan a Haiti benefit event. Before the event started, a friend of mine and I were praying and he referred to the event as our “small offerings.” In my head, I laughed an almost “Small, this is going to be HUGE.”

Then the event happened, and it wasn’t huge. It wasn’t the 200 I was expecting. Nobody had to scream to speak over the crowds. Nobody had to excuse themselves as they weaved and bobbed around a standing room only hors d’oeuvres table. Disappointment set in.

Why am I disappointed? Did He ever say he’d meet my expectations? On what grounds can I say that He didn’t show up in a huge way?

In one month’s time, our small community stepped up to serve. My local community became the hands and feet. We saw the effects of His presence in our short time collaborating with local businesses. We. Had. Fun.

We left a sheen and the parade has barely begun. Who know’s what He’s up to next…

ps – for the record I’m having a difficult time listening to my own heart and hearing what is bubbling. My heart is on the mend and somewhere in there is block between my fingers and my heart. The none-too-coherent-all-about-me post reflects that. I’m trying to push through the dip of my mending heart.

At Catalyst, Chuck Swindoll was speaking on different points of leadership that he has learned through his years of following as best he knew how. One of the final points echoed that leadership is lonely. Lonely in that you, dear leader, are out on your own. You’re pushing boundaries, you’re moving walls that have yet to be moved. You’re walking on seemingly uncharted territory for yourself and for your tribe.

Loneliness offers little to ears to listen. Leadership lends itself to advice giving, but not so often to receiving. It takes a strong leader to turn to His ears when you need someone to listen.

My leadership could use some definition, but I am failing in finding ears to listen. My “go-to” listeners are still there, but as I am searching for ways to lead in my own way, to define my leadership, I am finding less ears to listen. Maybe stressing the few pairs I have.

A wiser person than me would know that He is trying to listen to me, if only I’d speak to him. He’s asking me to help ease the loneliness He feels as my leader, but I am not doing so hot at responding.

Expections are inevitable. You expect things of yourself, other people expect things of you, and you expect things of other people. It’s difficult to walk around without feeling the expectations all around.

Covey talks of these paradigms when your expectations actually change your behavior. When your expectations of others change how you treat certain situations or the people specifically. You look through your lens of life and begin to predict certain behaviors and act as if they have already happened in the way you predicted.

I am fighting through hell with my own, but it’s a quiet fight. My expectations are not positive, and my hurt is surfacing. I have identified them, but doing something about them is more confusing and difficult than just figuring out what they are.

I was asked to define my paradigms and couldn’t think of a single positive one.

This fight is a long time coming and I am grateful for the people who understand this and stick around me.